To Successfully Kill Yourself (A Jeff the Killer Story)
by JazzyMusic123
Summary: Life sucks. Life has always been suck. It even sucks more when you are depressed all the time. When you pray to die, a serial killer has appeared to attempt to kill you once and for all. Happiness at last, you thought. Until he finds out you WANT to die, he decided to keep you alive until you want to live again.Full summary in the ff the Killer x OC. May change from T to M.


**To Successfully Kill Yourself**

 **Summary: Life sucks. Life has always been suck. It even sucks more when you are depressed all the time. It gotten to the point you just want to die now, however you just couldn't. You don't have the strength to do so. When you pray to die, a serial killer has appeared to attempt to kill you once and for all. Happiness at last, you thought. Until he finds out you WANT to die, he decided to keep you alive until you want to live again (apparently, killing a suicidal person is too easy for this guy).**

 **A/N: So this idea totally came up when I was making my bed, I was writing about a character who suffers through loneliness and then this came up and I was like "dog, I need to write this. I just need to." And yeah, thus this story was born. So yeah, that's all. I couldn't decide I wanted to be Jeff x Reader or just my character going through it so I put like this for now. I may post both versions of it but who knows? It's a pretty short story. Maybe like four chapters long. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Jeff the Killer, of course, I only own my ideas and Bliss/Scar.**

 **(This is mostly for people who have experiences depression before or recently or knows someone who was or is experiencing these things. You can read it too if you don't know anyone or you don't have depression for a quick example of it. (Although I am no doctor.))**

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 **Step 1 :** **You must know life indeed sucks ass, it will forever stay suck and there is no change to make it better. Remember those friends you have? Yeah, they don't care about you whatsoever. Your parents? You were probably an accident. What about your family members? Probably a bad example in the family after all those things you did. Just let the bad thoughts float over you. Try to forget those thoughts? It's ok for now; we do need our breaks before we can start something new. It takes time.**

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 **Step 1: The Start**

Depression, that's how I descriptive my entire lifestyle.

Oh, will this sweet-tasting depression ever let go?

Every day was the same day as before at school. I go to school, wait for my invisible friends, think about how much I am a failure as a human being, fighting over to either kill myself or not, cry about it, and then I go home, doing completely nothing for the rest of day, trying to sleep. And then I do the same thing all over again. Sometimes headaches in the twist, but overall nothing have change in my miserable life. It's cold, it's dark, and it's boring all the time.

My name is Bliss Anderson; I know my name is a joke. There's nothing blissing around me. I hate my name, it's so fucking stupid. I prefer the name "Scar" these days. I don't like that my parents calls me by my real name when they know I hate that name. My life has gone to a complete nightmare. A nightmare that is so surreal, it hurts. My parents still hasn't figured out that I am depressing though. Maybe they never will.

I am seventeen years old, I am about to be eighteen years old in couple of days, I was born in June 20th. I just graduated high school with a barely passable grade, so I no longer have to see my classmates, my teachers, and that stupid principal anymore. My high school experiences was awful, all I saw was people having fun without me. Just me alone, really.

It's summertime and yet…it looks like the winter, at least in my point of view. Today was grey rainy day, I love the rain. It's like it knows how I'm feeling today; it matches how I'm feeling. I mostly stayed in my room all the day because really there's no one I can really talk to anyways. Well, except my pet rat, Cate. She is usually in her cage, sleeping or watch what I'm doing. I love her dearly; she is the only friend I really have. The only friend I have in the whole wide world, my family doesn't give a rat crap about me.

My mother always at work, doing her stupid job, she's works at a business company that is very famous and sells some technology. I forgot what it was called, but does it really matters? My mom gives me a few new technologies sometimes. They are working on to make a new thing for the tablets. Unfortunately, my mom never really has time for me and it feels like she just giving me things to keep me busy. I guess she is giving me these things as an illusion of her love.

My father doesn't really do anything; I guess my parents are opposite version of the normal stereotypical parents type. My father stays home and takes care of us. I really felt that my dad really cared about me unlike my mom. He asks me if I was okay or not. I loved him for that. Unfortunately my dad kept drinking alcohol because he was so stress about people. He always tries to be the greatest human being on planet Earth. Little did he realize…it was really hurting him. My dad had to go to rehab for two years because that. Those two years were awful and I missed him being at home. Now he's fine, he just has been worry about me. I always told him, I was ok but I'm really not. I just really hope they notice my change so I don't have to say it.

I still live my parent's house; there was nowhere to go around here. I didn't have friends, the money to move out of here, or went to college and live in a dormitory. I am too depressed to go and get myself a damn lousy job. I did once though, I worked at fast-food restaurant, and I didn't really like it much. It kind of made it worse with the rude customers, they were ungrateful. I wish I should have spitted at these bratty girls at school food. They wouldn't even know that, but when I think about it, I wouldn't like anyone spitting in my food either even if it was someone I hate.

I have a year older brother named Jaime and little sister who is only fifteen years old named Catlin, Jaime has recently moved out of the house and went to college with his new slutty girlfriend. I will never understand why he will want to date a girl like that, she was possibly cheating on him behind his back but it wasn't any of my business. Jaime is going to study about crime justice; he has always been interested into those types of things. I was more into art. I'm glad that he is chasing his dreams unlike me, cannot do a thing. Catlin was in the ninth grade–a freshman really –she is going to be a tenth grade next school year. She goes to the same old high school I was use to go, I just hope she does repeat what is happening to me.

My mother wants me to go to the college to study something I have no interest in, which it is business. I could care less about business, I always been a painter type. I like to paint when I was really down, feeling suicide, you know? And my father just wants me to at least get a job that I will enjoy. However, I can't focus on anything when I'm down all the time.

I was sitting down at the computer desk and spend most of the time on the computer, I wasn't sure what I was looking for but I guess I was just looking for something that will make me happy. I enjoy watching YouTube videos, unfortunately lately this week, it has been bad. My mother has been stressing and pressuring me about get a job or I end up like a bum. I am already a bum, how much of a bum can I become?

I sighed of boredom and looked at my pet rat, Cate. I gave her a smiled. "Oh Cate, you are so freaking lucky, it's crazy! You can just sit here and not worry about anything while I am stuck at this…place I am forever. I wish I can be like you, someone to take care of you and be loved. Unfortunately no one loves me, no one ever does. Well except you, right?" She just stared me blankly, "I wish you can speak, it will be nice to know what you're thinking though. I wonder if you can even understand what I'm saying to you."

I heard the door being opened and saw my mother and father coming inside. My mother looked around my room, checking how messy it is, she sighed, "Bliss, when will you clean your room? It is a mess! Gosh, I have to say this to a seventeen year old girl!"

She is already on my shit? "I'm kind of busy, mother. Also don't call me Bliss, please call me Scar."

"Busy? Doing what, having a staring contest with your computer? Honey, we need to talk. I know it's just June, but I know kids from your school who already got a job or going to college soon. I just worry about your future, right now, you're not doing anything. We don't want you to be one those kids who are still living with their parents' home, what is going to even happen to you when we're gone?"

"I can manage myself just fine, mom. I'm just tired."

"You're _always_ tired."

Yeah, tired of your shit. "Listen mom, I'm recently looking for jobs, ok? Can I just be alone for one second without you talking shit?"

"Listen Bliss," My father spoke up, "I know leaving high school is hard, I was sad too that I have to leave, but your mother just want the best of you. Promise us, you'll get something after summer, ok?"

I sighed, "I'll try I guess."

"That's my girl; also if you ever need something or need to say something, we are always here." No, _you're_ always here. Mom is too busy doing her job, but I wanted to say what's wrong, I really did. However, my mouth was shut. I wanted to say how I'm feeling, but I just can't which makes me even more of a failure. I can't even tell my own parents what was wrong with me, god, why did I have to be like this?

"Ok." I answered. They finally left my bedroom and the room was so quiet again. It was just Cate and I again, like it always have been.

The very next three months, it was September 9th and I finally was able to find myself a job although I still live with my parents, I have been looking for an apartment to live since they are bugging me to death and I sleep at the shelter since I didn't really want to be bother with mom. My little sister had to go back to school and my brother continues doing his own thing with his girlfriend at college while I was stuck in this grey place I am. My mother thought it will be great if we all went to eat and discuss about the newest things in our lives.

We went out to a fancy dinner place which explains why my folks are dressed like this. Instead a dress or anything fancy, I wore black thin sweatshirt with black tank-top under it, black leggings and black skater skirt, black short combat boots, and finally had on a black hoodie jacket. I didn't enjoy wearing other any color that wasn't really dark although I am not part of the emo group or whatever, plus my ash brown hair was a hot mess and I didn't want to fix it so I may as well look gothic for now. The one thing I liked about myself was my eyes, my emerald green eyes. I had noticeable dark circles under it but I loved looking at my eyes. I still do to this day. My body is almost like a walking skeleton with my almost pale self; I remembered at school, I wouldn't eat anything. Not only the food was nasty but I was too depressed to eat. School days were horrible.

I walked to their table because I was taking a little breather in the bathroom and sat down next my little sister, Catlin. The table was awkwardly silence since I was here now and hopefully they pick up the conversation they were just recently having, not really caring what's up with me.

My brother grabbed his cup of water and looked at me, "What's up with you? This…new look of yours, are you part of the emo group?"

I sighed of annoyance, "No, this is…this is just how I dress. Is it a problem to wear like this or what?"

"No, I'm just asking, geez."

"Well, you ask about my clothing like it was a problem."

"Bliss, not today please." Mom said.

I could already tell this is going to be a pain ass time. My father smiled at my brother, "Jaime, how is your life in college? What is it about your girlfriend? Please tell us everything."

"Well…college has been completely stressful with the studying and stuff but overall it's pretty cool. My girlfriend Alice, she has been chill too. She is working to get us a home around the campus and so far she has been doing great, she gets pay a lot."

Yeah probably giving blow-jobs for fifty dollars, knowing her, she was in my old school and she was doing a lot of pornography with the boys around her. She didn't care what anyone says, she was just doing her own business, but I can't really say anything bad about her other than a slut. I shouldn't even be rude about it. She was shockingly a nice girl, at least to me. She always say hello to me whenever I was down or whenever she actually sees me. She is kind of a bitch to the rest of the girls but can't I blame her? She is being called a slut to everyone in the school. I wonder if this is the only way to get money to her. I'm surprised she hasn't got a disease though; maybe she tested them before she does anything or maybe she is just very lucky person.

"Hey sis," I looked at Jaime, "why do you go with the name "Scar" or "Scarlet" now? There are a lot of girls who will love to have the name "Bliss" at my college, you know?"

"So? I'm not like other girls, dip-shit. Plus I have my reasons about stuff."

"Such as?"

"…" I don't want to talk about it, at least for now. I just don't want to talk about what happened to me. "It's none of your business, Jaime. Why don't you talk about how _perfect_ your life is comparing to mines and how much I am a failure, huh? It's not like you actually care."

"Jesus Christ, Scar, is that what you really think? I have you know, my life isn't _perfect_. I actually work my ass off in college and work every day unlike you. I hardly see my girlfriend and talk to my friends; I can hardly sit down in my bed and sleep. You, on the other hand, are doing completely nothing for your life! You don't even talk to anyone! All you do is be on the computer like the whole high school years! At least I'm not still in my parents' home, trying to beg for their money like you. At least Catlin is understandable; she is only fifteen years old! You're in eighteen now and you need get over being a little girl and start something!"

"You're no one to tell me what to do! I actually was able to get myself a job for once and I am looking for a new home so I don't have to listen to any of you! You just don't understand! None of you understand me! Just…shut the hell up!"

The table was silence finally and a young waitress walked up towards our table with a worried face, "Um…will you guys like to order now or do you want me to come back a little later?"

"No, no, it's fine. We can order now, their little conversation is over anyways. What will you guys like to eat?" My mother asked my brother and sister.

I was about to opened my mouth but will it even make a difference? I wanted to cry, run off this stupid place and cry about my pathetic little life. I stand up from my seat and start walking out of the restaurant; I wasn't too sure where I was actually going to go. Maybe home, but I just didn't want to be there with those people. My depression monster is telling me so; I will follow what the monster tells me for now on then. Of course, I should have expected that to be horrible but I guess I thought it will have been a great time to see my older brother again.

Before I even realize where I was now at, I was reaching home. Well, my parents' home. All I can think about what my brother just told me in the restaurant, reminding me why I am a failure. Why I suck, why life hates me, why no one loves me, why my name is now Scar, why…I want to die, it's just reminds me all those things, all the pain I'm in. When I went inside my shelter, I looked around my place. My heart was beating faster and I can feel my temperature going higher than before, I was just so fucking upset. I walked up to the mirror and saw my stupid reflection.

Why God, why did I have to be so damn ugly?! Everything I see is all awful, the worst thing you can ever imagine. Why did I have to be like this?! I grabbed the mirror from the wall and threw it across the mirror. I remember when I got that mirror for my thirteen birthday, I loved that mirror but now it just reminded me all those horrible memories. All those memories when I was happy, smiling and laughing. Times when I have friends, my parents loved me, and a happy life. The time when I didn't want to die ever. If only I…if only I knew… I saw the glasses of the mirror broken on the ground. Oh dear god, please…please let me die. I want to die, but…I can't… I wish I can but…I just can't… Please kill me, kill me with anything or anyone. I am nobody and no one will ever miss me. I collapsed myself on the cheap bed and looked at the ceiling where there was a Daddy Long spider on its' web.

I realized…I'm crying… My tears were running down my cheeks and now I started uncontrollably crying, crying myself to sleep on my bed. I wish…I can just disappear… Disappear from this place, place of darkness where my depression monster eats me. There is no escape from here; it is just me and only me.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room, the room was completely dark, and I can hardly see a thing. However, I did hear a noise somewhere. I felt a warm body climbing on top of me and leaning towards my face. Oh god no, please no, is going to do what I think it will do? Oh I hope not! It lean to my right ear, I can feel the breathing down my neck.

"Go. To. Sleep." I heard his voice, is he going to kill me? Is he really? I spotted a chef's knife up the sky; I guess I am going to die. I should feel scared, scared that an unknown man is going to end my life, but am I really? This means I can finally end up my suffering. Happiness, I thought. My happiness is about to come at last. I will dearly miss Cate though and I know she will miss me too, but it's time for me to go. There's nothing in the world that will make me happy except this, of course, the end of my depression. I will always love Cate and I hope she understands. That is all I got to say really so I slowly closed my eyes, took a deep breath. I'm ready for it. I don't know who he is, but god he is doing me a flavor.

One thing I got to say to everyone else: Thanks for nothing.

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Goodbye.

I waited the knife to go through my stomach, him stabbing me as much as he wants until I was officially dead. However, he still hasn't touched me with his knife. I find it odd, why isn't he killing me? Why is he just standing there? Who knows when my parents come back, why isn't he going to kill me? Has he changed his mind or he is planning something else? What is he doing?

"Aren't you going to beg for your life like the others? Aren't you going to try to fight me like the others? How come you are just standing there, not even going to cry about it?"

I opened my eyes and saw the man's face clearly and it was so close to mines. "No, no I am not going to do any of those. I want to die, you see. I just want to die already. I want to end this suffering. I don't care who you are or what, I just want to die. So please, just kill me already and you can move on with your life."

"I picked a suicidal one? Damn, well that ain't no fun; of course they _want_ to die. Well, I guess I can have some fun with you until you wish you want to live. Now come on, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." He climbed off of me and about to grab something.

I looked at the man shockingly, "What?! You…you aren't going to kill me?! But…kill me please! I want to die! Can't you just kill me?! It wouldn't take long, I swear! Heck, I'll help you if I have to! Come on, just kill me already! I'll do anything just for you to kill me! I can't able to kill myself so…just please let me die! PLEASE!"

"Geez, I guess I got to do the hard way with you." He grabbed a rock and hit me on top of my head.

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 **A/N: Well this was a chapter of this; yeah this story is going to be a pretty serious one. And those who are waiting patiently for Jeff the Killer x Reader parody chapter, it will come until the end of time. I'm joking but I kind of having writer's block for that and lately I have wanted to write depressing stories. I got one idea for Hetalia; Life is Strange, and Code Geass. I have stuff to do for school because it has been such a stress, I need to pass Literature and Algebra (I don't have one idea how I'm passing biology and I hate biology and don't understand jack shit) so yeah that but luckily it is the end of the school year. Unfortunately I'm writing a book about loneliness and it's going to be pretty hard and it's going to take a long time. For goofy stories, I stay usually forever to do so yeah. Wait until I'm in my goofy mood then I'll be back.**

 **Ok then, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it took me a hella long time (oh god, Chloe is a bad influence, now I'm starting saying "hella"). (Also I will love you to give a comment for this, gives me strength and shit, but hey no pressure, I'm just saying.)**


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